Forever is a Memory
Finding the time to myself in the silence of the room, I open up my journal and start letting my thoughts flow onto paper. I love opening my journal, feeling my thoughts on the pages, knowing that the only judgment I will receive is the judgment I give myself. When life is good I realize I don’t journal as much even though it is still very much needed just to remind myself what I have learned.
Today when I was writing I found myself jotting down the 4 main things I would like to keep in mind throughout every day. In time I will most likely add to this list. The one that really stuck with me is the fourth one I wrote;
Nothing is permanent, there will be an end to every single thing I encounter in life so enjoy every moment while I am living in it
I remember when this hit me so hard I almost fell out of my chair with an overwhelming sensation of emotions. It was thanksgiving 2019. My family and I were sitting inside the house we were renting on Tybee Island in Georgia. The house was beautiful, right on the ocean. We did so many fun things that family vacation. It was the start of the multi-day family Olympics which involved opening ceremony, poker, baseball can bowling in the garage, stick’er dash, granny and pop-pop pull across sand race, bourbon tasting, a 5k on the beach, and pong tic tac toe.
We had to combine a couple of tables to fit us all which didn’t matter as long as we were all together. Every year we go around the table saying what we’re thankful for and that when it hit me like a ton of bricks. This isn’t forever. Being at this table, surrounded by so many people that I love so much and have each held a part in creating the person I am today, will not always be around. I looked at my granny and pop-pop and realized there will be a day when they are not a part of my everyday life. I looked at my cousins Owen and Wyatt and realized that we may only have a few more years before they are involved in their own lives and not able to do this anymore. I looked at my brother and saw how he is starting his own life away from home and remembered all the moments we shared when we lived together. I looked at my parents and saw the love they have for each other even though they have been through so much. I saw my aunt Lynda and Aunt Jen knowing their relationship started so many years ago and how it feels like just yesterday. I realized how my uncles who were just hanging my blanket on the fan in my grandparent’s living room playing puppet with me now have families of their own and a life I am not as involved in. How my cousin Jenna is turning 13 when I swear she was just born. I looked at Bella who now has braces and thought to myself about the first family thanksgiving trip we went on where she was making fun of her older sister for crying. I looked around and saw how everyone has grown and how nothing stays the same for too long at all. How time moves on so quickly in the blink of an eye. How fast life happens.
I am sad to know that one day this will all end. I am so sad to know that the people who are around me now have an expiration date. How one day I won’t be able to call them even though they will always be in my heart.
All we are experiencing now will just be a memory.
Such a short life to live that eventually will feel like one hell of a beautiful story. While it is inevitable that time will go by way too fast I am so happy I will have this blog and my youtube videos to look back on and remember all the people who mean so much to me. All my friends, all my family, most of the moments that have created me. It’s a time capsule that I will get to hold on to for so long. An online journal that will not be erased.
To all of the moments, all of the people, all of my family and friends. I love all the memories I have made with you, all the moments I spend with you. All the cookouts, all the camping, all the 5ks, all the rock climbing, every experience that I get to share with you. I look forward to what is to come and I will remember to live in the here and now. To really get to soak in all the happiness each and every one of you add to my life.
Video to contribute to this post:
Quote to contribute to this post:
“Unease, anxiety, tension, stress, worry – all forms of fear – are caused by too much future, and not enough presence. Guilt, regret, resentment, grievances, sadness, bitterness, and all forms of non-forgiveness are caused by too much past, and not enough presence.” – Eckhart Tolle
