Time to Check in

I have been practicing yoga more frequently in the mornings. Bringing awareness to my breath, then a calming meditation. I have been thinking about what I do to fill my time and what things to take off my schedule. For a moment I thought about the newsletters and blog posts. Thinking to myself “Who really reads these anyways” and the answer is maybe not a lot. And I guess that’s the point. To write like no one is reading.

These blog posts are not just something for me to put out there. They are the inner workings of my mind. They are a way for me to keep track of my own mental health. These blog posts are my journal. With this being a year since I started the newsletters, I realize sure, I write them to share them. But that’s not how this started. My blog started as a way for me to journal in a form that would allow me to look back on my writings and my mind. A way to document my mental progress. These blog posts are nothing but my thoughts. My free flow of energy.

To me, it isn’t about who reads them, it’s about taking the time to check in.

I’ve been tired. A very consistent level of tired. Is it the weather? Or is it that I find it impossible to look at the small steps I can take? Instead, I blind myself by the big picture of what I am building. Perhaps it’s a mix between weather and the big picture. This is my space to feel calm. To clear my mind on paper. Regarding my work, my seeds are planted. Now I just continue to water them. I am not doing as bad as I think. In fact, I am doing well in my own definition of “Doing Well”. Sometimes, it feels draining to put myself “Out there” so much. For work, I started presenting on top of introducing myself to new people constantly. On the weekends I teach my yoga classes. I have my blog that is me LITERALLY sharing my thoughts. The thoughts that come to me as I sit by myself. Currently I am laying on my living room couch next to Ezzie, Jack on my lap kissing my nose, and the TV playing my 3 hour long “You’re Invited to a Time Travelers House” Ambient video by Terravibe. It does not get anymore authentic than this. Until it does, in my future books when I decide to elaborate even more than in my blog posts.

Basically, I have 50 million ideas a day and I beat myself up for not executing every single one. How do I make it so that I am kind to myself and don’t feel overwhelmed with them all? Maybe if I make a list. A list of ideas. That way I can look back at them and decide which ones I think are still good ideas and which ones I can cross off all together. This won’t be a normal “To Do” list. This will just be something to get my ideas out of my mind. Something I can look back on to use for the next project. Realizing that is all this is. Just a bunch of projects. Some projects turn out well, others maybe aren’t the best. Everything I do is a project. Every person I work with, we work on a project together. The project of creating a healthier life. That’s really all I am. A guide to helping someone create a healthier life. Here is the thing though, that healthier life won’t look the same for every individual. There is so much that goes into it. There are basics that every person can use, but to adjust those basics can be a difficult task. It can feel daunting, draining, and overwhelming.

We put things off out of embarrassment and lack of “Time”. How are we supposed to love ourselves if we keep putting off the things that create a healthier wellbeing? This doesn’t just mean physical. It includes our mental wellbeing, our stability for our needs, a community.

My blog, the newsletter, all of my things, are things that keep me healthy. Things that help balance my mind and keep me in touch with my community. I don’t want to stop doing the things that bring me so much joy just because I feel like I need more space. If anything, I should be purging the things that don’t bring me that happiness, joy, and connection. Sure, some say there are parts of their life they don’t like, and that they just do, but the thing is, I don’t want to be like you. I don’t want to be forcing myself into things that don’t feel authentic to me. So maybe that means saying no to what isn’t on my path and saying yes to what is. The hard part is telling the difference. Now is a good time to share what I have planned for myself and that is at least two backpacking trips this summer.

P.S. I am super excited for my photography season.