Walking in Comfort
I hear myself give a lot of reasons to not do something, especially things that are healthy for me. I make up excuses to not do what I know is the “right” thing for me deep down. It's like a “I like this ice cream even though there are healthier alternatives'' or “I can eat this, I worked hard today.” I see myself enjoying what I know feels good. Sometimes what I think is good, isn’t what is actually good for me. Today, it's easy to look at this line I am standing in for ribs. I look around and see that we are waiting to exchange money for the carcass of an animal. A tasty, barbeque covered dead animal. I justify my action by trying to convince myself this animal I am about to eat doesn’t feel, even though I know very well that all living things are connected. I distance myself when I eat the animal, knowing I didn’t have to look in its eyes while killing it. I didn’t have to watch its miserable life happen on a factory farm. I notice I go through the motions because what I see on the plate isn’t the animal itself. It's easy to disassociate. It's easy because I enjoy the taste. I block all the negative energy associated with the life and death of this being, all for my taste buds. I like the grease, the flavor. I like the act of cooking the carcass. Of finding the right flavors. Figuring out the perfect amount of time to cook the body until it reaches the ideal form. It can be a puzzle. It’s truly an art. I try not to say food. Calling this body I am about to eat ‘food’ allows me to disassociate more. Sounds a little murderous right? A little too real when its put that way.
I get to share the foods I cook with the people I love. With visitors, family, friends, friends of friends. It's an easy way to share a part of my life with people I love or enjoy. It's like I am sharing a part of myself. Which I think is what makes this conversation a difficult one to have. Questioning why we do certain things can feel like an attack. Questioning the comfort zone and why we stay in this mindset, can feel like someone is telling us we are doing something wrong. What if instead, that questioning is actually deepening our understanding of the self?
I see a man smiling as he cooks the ribs. He seems to love that he gets to share his happiness with all these people for the exchange of the currency he will use to support his life. I see the happiness this man gets from sharing a part of what he loves. He sees the line, stretched out long. Overcome with gratitude. I think for a small moment maybe this is all fine. He found his happiness and I am happy for him. Then reality hits me. This happiness comes with a price. A price one can't put into words because it's not a physical price I speak of, even though that factor is true.
I see the price of lives that don’t actually get to live. Thousands of lives on one farm alone. I see the happiness the man holds and I wonder where we draw the line. When do we decide that we no longer wish to give into this anymore? When have we become so comfortable in our daily routines and what is “normal” that we decide our taste buds are more important than literal lives? Even reading this sentence my eyes roll at the thought of my diet being “wrong”, my mind stops comprehending what I am putting on paper. I decide this is too much to think about so I go back to my comfort zone. God forbid I do something that changes what I am comfortable with. God forbid that we actually do something about the pain we cause and holy shit balls, there is no way in hell I am admitting the wrong I have been condoning. My ego is way too big for that and my stomach is too. We look at animals as if there is something different. Because they don’t look the same they don't feel. Haven’t we heard that line before? Because they don't speak the same as us, they are not the same. Definitely heard that one. We talk about genocides and how genocide is terrible yet give in to genocide in extreme gross amounts when it comes to animals. This post isn’t about that though. This post is about breaking through the areas I feel comfortable in. Breaking through my comfort zone. Challenging myself in new ways. The animal eating thing is just a comfort that most of us are familiar with and can relate to.
I do what I was taught. I repeat the same patterns of what I saw growing up. When I don’t admit those tendencies and instead fight against them through excuses or unwillingness to reflect, I get stuck. When will I decide to challenge the comfort zone I find myself in?
I see people putting others down for their creativity. Thinking that since it didn’t sound good to that individual, the band isn’t “good”. That band is doing something you wouldn’t dare to, stuck in your comfort zone. I see people putting others down for the things they couldn’t imagine doing. Why? I don't know. It seems to me we like to make up excuses to not change. As if we needed any more permission to stay the same. I can see that is the only type of permission we will seem to receive. Permission to stay the same. Not because others encourage the way you live or what you do currently, but because they will put you down for the moments you try to stand up. Leaving the comfort zone is difficult. After all, daring to leave means change. Most people say, “change is hard”
We put down the people learning a new instrument to make ourselves feel better for the one we already know. I hear others say the person learning hasn’t found the beat while taking no time to help them find it. Put others down, get permission to stay the same.
One person's comfort zone can look incredibly different from others. One may look extreme, while others look mild. To me a comfort zone is something to fall back on. Something I know I am good at. I see my comfort zone when I stop pushing limits due to fear or stop my curiosity about a subject because I didn’t like what I found. I can tell I am stuck when I stop putting action to my questions. There is a difference between being okay with what is and being where we are just because we are familiar.
There is a difference between going with the flow and going through the motions.
There can be something that helps my life immensely. Something I feel I can't live without, and as soon as I notice the flaws, I let them be. When I don’t challenge new ways to embrace them, I’m back in comfort. Take what has helped, and create more with it. Challenge what has helped and let it grow. Don't keep that plant contained. Move the things that have helped, out of the container. I am challenging it more, deepening my practice. Don't get stuck. Once we get stuck we stop being able to experience all that practice can give. We decide that we are okay all based on fear. Fear of what? Fear that you will go back into the same groves as before? That may be true. Now is different though. Now I have the tools I didn't before. Now I have the strength to get to the next step. We are all strong enough to move through our comfort zones as long as we hold ourselves accountable. We are strong enough to deepen our practice as long as we admit we are not perfect, and instead, just enough. Strong enough to deal with any challenges we might face. I rob myself of a deeper understanding of me each time I get into my comfort zone. Each time I give into the patterns I know I can be prone to. Leaving my comfort zone could be as simple as asking myself one question. Challenging myself doesn't have to be extravagant. It can be just sitting in an uncomfortable energy. By simply being okay with the anxiety I feel. It could be deciding that instead of taking the same seat I always do, I sit in the seat next to it. It could mean acknowledging a fear instead of fighting that fear or pretending it doesn't exist. It could mean admitting that an action someone else did was hurtful and then deciding to not do anything about it. Not asking anything from them or from myself. To simply be okay with my feelings being hurt. It doesn't happen overnight even though to someone else it may look like it does. There is a world no one else can possibly know about if not spoken. The world that resides inside of the self. Breaking through the comfort zone doesn't mean self-destruction. It means the opposite. It means do the thing that you may be resistant to. Go to therapy, that thing you think you don't need. Enjoy a song and let yourself feel the beat. Let yourself be proud of how far you have come. Let yourself be sad for an experience you had. Know that wherever you were, you’re not there any more. Make adjustments, question yourself, find your resistance, and go deeper.
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The light in me shines with the light in you as my darkness dances with yours.
Page for reference:
https://www.npr.org/2011/03/29/134956180/criminals-see-their-victims-as-less-than-human
